Idiot

That’s me. The idiot.

I’m the one that told someone about my thoughts and then they left.

Now someone knows stuff about me and I don’t want them to.

Now someone can go and tell everyone, they no longer have any loyalty to me.

That scares me quite a lot.

I feel like such an idiot, I was taken in by it when he didn’t really like me.

I think he’s going back to his ex now.

I feel awful.

Update???

“It’s a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your like starts to go well, another part of your life falls to pieces” (a bit of Bridget Jones for you)

This quote could not be more relevant right now. Sixth form is going well, I get dumped.

I am officially single once more.

To be fair, I knew it was coming. The past week or so he had been acting differently, so I called him up on it via text to which he replied “if I’m going to do this I feel like we should discuss it tomorrow” and I basically said that I would rather hear it over text now. I know it’s not exactly courteous but it was a whole lot less awkward.

Then he did it. Apparently he feels that he mistook really liking me as a person as really ‘liking’ me.

The world’s most rubbish excuse, right there, Ladies and Gentleman.

I think that’s code for, I’ve got to know you, I liked the person I thought you were. This? Not so much.

I usually find myself quite a guarded person but something clicked when I met him, I felt like I could talk to him about stuff that I don’t tell any one else. And now it’s done and I feel angry and sad and mostly embarrassed for liking him when he was probably sat there thing “geez, what have I let myself into”.

Oh, but he still wants to be friends? It’s just awkward. I don’t know, maybe in time? Or maybe he just finds me really annoying and felt the need to say that?

Goodness me.

Hi There Stranger

Blimey. It’s nearly been five months. I do apologise.

A lot of things have happened in my world recently and I felt the need to update everyone. 

Firstly, I am currently studying my a levels and am not finding them too bad (or at least not as bad as I thought I would). In the end I decided upon Physics, Maths, Psychology and Biology all of which are okay. Well, except for physics, but I have time to rectify that. 

I have also got my very first boyfriend. 

I know, I was surprised too. 

Like, really surprised. Someone who I liked actually liked me back, I never even knew it was possible. When I’m with him I’m happier than I have been a long time.

It’s wonderful, he’s wonderful.

Although, being the idiot that I am, I do spend a lot of time concerned that he’s realised what a weird and slightly dysfunctional person I am and is regretting it a bit, but in actual fact it’s going well thus far.

So, yeah, happy me.

Prom

In less than two weeks it is my prom and, up until recently, I had been really looking forward to it. However, the more I think about it, the more I have been dreading it.

I just keep on thinking about all the photos that will be taken. To be honest, I feel really insecure at the moment and I just do not want to have hundreds of pictures of me looking fat and ugly when it’s supposed to be an evening where everyone gets dressed up and enjoys themselves.

 

Ugh.

Evening

Hello there!

I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while but my life appears to only consist of revision and exams at the moment and not much else has been going on. Luckily, I am now officially half way through my ten exams. With Biology, P.E., Chemistry, Food and Nutrition and the first English Lit exam down, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I am completely and utterly worried about my final five exams (especially the English Lit Poetry exam and my Additional Maths exam) but it will all be over in three weeks time so I can’t help but be a little excited by the fact that I have an eleven week holiday and a long list of books to read.

WOO! READING!

Um

I don’t know why but I just feel really weird at the moment. This best way to describe it is that I just have this kind of empty feeling. I feel like I’m not good enough.

All I do is get on people’s nerves. I’m really annoying. I just feel unhappy. And stressed.

Oh, I don’t know.